I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
