Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
