i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
