Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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