There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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