I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
