when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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