K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize