I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
