I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
