Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
