I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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