Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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