I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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