i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
