elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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