The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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