i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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