i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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