I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
