i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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