I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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