sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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