mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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