On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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