I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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