'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize