I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
