i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
