the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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