I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just had sex bonerless
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
