Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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