he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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