You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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