you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
