I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are a booty call, not a friend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
