It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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