is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
