Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
