Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
