My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
