found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
