drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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