Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
