i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
