sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
