She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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