That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
