Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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