I didn't shave. On purpose
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
