I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
