Cold hands, warm shart.
im holly from the hills drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
