I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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