Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
