i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
