she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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