I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
