If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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