I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
