I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize