I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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