the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
