yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
