Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
