I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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