Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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