I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
