he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Will exercising make me less horny?
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