I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
