I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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