we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
