smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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