Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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