Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
