Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
