So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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