I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
