I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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