Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize