All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I will pee on everything he values.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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