I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
