Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
