The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
