You can't motorboat a personality
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize