i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
