Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
