Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
