standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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