I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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