I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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