After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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