My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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