You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
