Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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