all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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