my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
