I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
