Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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