I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
