Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
