found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
