garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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