We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
