I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
