Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
