All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
