Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
