She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize